Edward Perriman Cole died in May.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

It's difficult to understand the sum of a person's life.

Some people will tell you it's measured by the ones left behind.

Some believe it can be measured in faith.

Some say by love.

Other folks say life has no meaning at all.

Me?

I believe that you measure yourself...

...by the people who measured themselves by you.

What I can tell you for sure is that, by any measure...

...Edward Cole lived more in his last days on Earth...

...than most people manage to wring out of a lifetime.

I know that when he died, his eyes were closed...

...and his heart was open.

" Name the five presidents whose last names begin with the letter H."

H?

Warren G. Harding, Rutherford B. Hayes, Herbert Hoover...

...and the two Harrisons, Benjamin and William Henry.

Ah.

Thought I'd get you with the double Harrisons.

Ha-ha-ha. - You're sick, you know?

You think that's sick, can you name their wives?

- No. - Neither can I.

Yo, Cartey-car! - Yo!

- When they need the Camaro, man? - Yesterday.

Huh?

- All right, I got one for you. - All right.

Who invented the radio?

Ah.

That's a hard one.

- What do you know, I finally got you. - No.

I don't know if you want who they think invented the radio...

...or the person who actually invented the radio.

Well, in here it says...

Marconi, right?

Yeah, it ain't him?

He's the one they generally think invented the radio.

In fact, he got a Nobel Prize for it in 1909.

Truth is a guy named Nikola Tesla...

...patented the basic idea for the radio in 1896.

Same idea Marconi used for his patent several years later.

Tesla fought Marconi till the day he died in 1943.

Same year the Supreme Court ruled...

...that Marconi's patent was invalid...

...recognizing Tesla as the inventor of the radio.

Carter.

You really are sick.

Oh, hi, Ginnie.

Well, good. About time. What did they say?

All right, what does that mean?

Kopi Luwak. The rarest beverage in the world.

Take a whiff.

Go ahead.

Uh, Mr. Cole, the board is ready to hear your proposal.

Hold on just a second.

Go ahead. Go on.

Well?

Really good.

Really good.

Mr. Cole. Sir?

Do you know what a Philistine is, Jim?

Sir, it's Richard.

That's right, Phil. Give them the spiel.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman, fellow supervisors.

We at the Cole Group feel the decline of the Winwood Hospital...

...is a direct result of significant fiscal mismanagement.

- I beg your pardon, this hospital... - Overhead costs are nearly double.

Your lease and land costs were similarly overbid.

Donations have atrophied to the point you've fallen far behind the curve...

...in Research, Pediatrics, Oncology and MRI.

The Cole Group has privatized 15 public hospitals in seven years...

...each of which now provides, or will soon provide...

...the highest standard of medical care to their communities.

- Despite being grossly understaffed? - The better the doctor, the need...

What about beds? There are rumors...

...you increased the number of patients to the point of overpopulation.

Patient density has always been...

And your emergency rooms, I mean, they are known...

I run hospitals, not health spas.

Two beds to a room, no exceptions.

Look, I passed up a lunch with Michelle Pfeiffer to be here...

...so can we desist from all of this inane posturing?

Boys and girls, you need me.

I do not need you.

Now, there's a sizeable check in this envelope...

...let me know if you decide to cash it.

Mr. Cole, are you all right?

What are you doing here?

Oh, you know, fighting for my life. You?

Uh, no, I was just surprised...

and I don't care about the insurance!

And tell Dr. Shit-for-Brains...

...I wanna know everything about this bleomycin drip he wants to get me on.

I hear it eats your lungs.

When I address Congress next month...

...I don't want to do it breathing through a hole in my throat.

- That's not exactly what happens. - Who the hell is this guy?

- Where's Thomas? Tom! - In plain view, sir.

- Hi, Tom. - We're gonna move you into the bed.

I can do it myself. I ain't dead yet.

How about now?

Have I fired you lately?

Not since the Oprah incident.

- That was a good one. Ha-ha-ha. - Yeah, it's good stuff.

Who the hell is that?

Who the hell are you?

He said, "Who the hell...?"

Oh, God. What am I, in the morgue?

That was the first time I laid eyes on Edward Cole.

An inauspicious beginning, to be sure.

Oh, spare me. Sweet Jesus.

I hate these... I hate tubes!

I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend the next three weeks laying next to this guy.

Zombie boy. Looks half-dead already.

You can't have your own room. It would create an enormous PR problem.

I don't give a shit about PR.

I want my own room. It's my hospital, for chrissake.

Don't tell me I can't have my own room.

No offense, pal.

You have publicly defended this policy countless times.

You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.

I've never been sick before.

Okay, Dr. Eldridge will be in in a minute to dot you up, okay?

Dot me up.

Jesus.

Thomas...

...don't let me wake up paralyzed.

I'll do what I can.

This really your hospital?

Yeah, pretty much.

Might wanna do something about the pea soup.

By the morning of the surgery...

...the cancer had spread so far throughout Edward's body...

...that the doctors gave him only a 5 percent chance to survive...

...but then, they didn't account for how pissed off they'd made him.

Mm...

No visitors come in to see him?

He's been sleeping a lot since they brought him back.

Mm.

That's another reason I don't miss nursing.

It's always so sad seeing a patient like that, all alone...

...after that kind of surgery.

At least he's quiet.

Day after day, out of sight, and almost out of...

Rachel called this morning.

Really? How's she doing?

She's auditioning for first violin in next semester's symphony.

That's wonderful.

Need any more books?

No, I'm... I'm fine.

Got your meds for the night?

Mm-hm. I already took them.

How about pillows?

I'm fine, Virginia, really. Thank you.

You know, I could stay a while if you want me to.

No use both of us being useless in the morning, right?

Okay.

She gone?

What?

As something of a public health expert...

...I believe more people die from visitors...

...than diseases.

"It's the Berries," for 600.

This Swedish berry is also known as the cowberry.

- What is a lingonberry? - Uh, what is a lingonberry?

Correct! - "It's the Berries," for 800.

In a Top 40 hit of 1956, this "Berry" told Beethoven to roll over.

Who is Chuck Berry?

Who is Chuck Berry? - Yes.

Hey.

Duke?

You mind?

Oh. Sorry. No.

- What is the Mariana Trench? - What is the Mariana Trench?

Good morning, Edward.

- Morning. - How you feeling?

Dumb question.

How's that catheter?

Don't know how I ever did without it.

Ah, humor is a good sign.

Kiss my ass.

As is surliness. It's one of your favorite flavors, right?

- Yeah. - Let's see what we got here.

It looks good.

All right, so the operation went well, okay?

All the post-op brain scans are clean.

Now we go after the sarcoma in the rest of your body.

Now, unfortunately, your blood markers are extremely high...

...so I would like to begin chemo this morning.

Love the smell of chemo in the morning.

Apocalypse Now, right?

Makes me feel like victory!

- I'll check in with you later. - All right.

Say, doc? Doc?

You think you could just take a look at...?

- Sorry, I'm late. Who's your doctor? - He's Dr. Gibian.

I'll let the nurse know.

Appreciate it.

Bitch, ain't it?

- What are quarks? - What are quarks?

- How long you been here? - Oh.

In and out over the past few months. Got me on an experimental treatment.

- What is the quadratic equation? - What is the quadratic equation?

How rough is it?

Chemo?

Not too bad.

If you don't mind around-the-clock vomiting...

...watching your veins turn black...

...and feeling like your bones are made of napalm...

...it's a day at the beach.

That's a relief.

Of course, I hear people react to it differently.

You'll know by tonight.

Tonight?

Listen, um...

...you don't mind my asking...

...what is that contraption you got over there?

It's a siphon. Makes coffee.

What else does it do?

What else does it have to do?

Did you know that coffee was originally discovered by a shepherd in Ethiopia?

- You don't say. - It's true.

Seems his goats were eating berries from an unfamiliar bush.

Before long, they were running and jumping all over...

...having a gay old time.

So the shepherd took some of the branches to the local monastery...

...where the abbots decided to roast them.

When the berries burned...

...the beans inside gave off such a pleasant aroma...

...they brewed them into a stew.

Stew, huh?

And over the next few hundred years, it spread to Arabia, Europe...

...even Sumatra, like that hooch you got over there.

It's called Kopi Luwak.

I know what it's called.

You do?

Never catch me drinking that shit.

Have you ever tried it?

No. I'm more of a instant-coffee man.

Here, here we are.

- Thanks. - No problem.

There you are.

You always had those freckles?

Far as I know.

Nice...

...freckles.

Hmm.

Okay, we got prosciutto and melons, some burrata mozzarella...

...and a veal paillard.

The folks at Toscana send their best.

You sure you wanna eat all that?

That's the plan.

What?

Oh, Uh...

You want Thomas to make you a plate?

Tommy, uh, fix a plate for, uh...

Carter.

First name or last?

First.

Really? Interesting.

So you want, uh...? Might cheer you up.

No, thanks, I'll pass.

You sure?

Mm, yum, yum.

Mm-mm.

Best in L.A.

It ain't the best in L.A. no more.

Oh, man.

Maya made the honor roll again.

Bet your ass she did.

My God.

Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.

Fellas.

Mr. Cole.

Don't pay any attention to me. I'm just, uh, talking to myself.

It's from Kai.

Says he wants to be a mechanic like his granddad when he grows up.

I hope you talked him out of that.

Well, I tried.

What do we got here?

It's a Shelby 350.

- I always wanted one of those. - Yeah.

- Kai remembered. - Hmm.

Um...

Mom seems to think you're not getting enough rest.

Mm-hm.

She loves you, Pop.

Mm-hm.

Okay.

You'll, uh, call us when you get your test results, huh?

Mm-hm.

If that day ever comes.

Okay.

- Take care. - Okay.

He your oldest?

Yeah.

What's he do?

- Roger's a tax attorney. - Oh.

Here.

His brother, Lee, is an engineer.

Who's the pretty little lady?

That's Rachel. Youngest of the three.

Big age difference.

Yeah, well, she was a surprise.

We'd hardly gotten the boys out of the house when she came along.

She's an outstanding violinist.

You got kids?

Depends.

- Never stayed married long enough. - Oh, well...

...don't worry, I've been married long enough for the both of us.

How's that going?

It's going.

That good, huh?

Well, that's why they invented light switches.

Don't get me wrong, I loved being married, been there four times.

Problem is I love being single too.

Hard to do them both at the same time.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Only successful marriage I had was me and my work.

I started making money when I was 16...

...and that was that.

Never stopped.

I'll be damned.

I wanted to be a history professor.

Nobody's perfect.

I made it through two months of City College...

...before Virginia gave me the news.

And then, you know...

...young, black, broke, baby on the way...

Take the first decent job that comes along.

I always meant to go back...

...but 45 years goes by pretty fast.

Like smoke through a keyhole.

Shit!

Don't give me the morphine while I'm sleeping. It's a waste.

Maybe she's trying to kill us both. You ever think of that?

Gin.

What are you, the devil?

What if I lost my mind already?

Jesus, no.

No. No, no Jesus, this is not praying.

I'm talking to myself out loud, that's...

You ever think about suicide?

Suicide? Me? - Yeah.

Lord, no.

Thought so. Stage one.

What?

The five stages, but...

Denial.

Then anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

So of course you're not thinking of suicide.

You're in stage one. Denial.

What stage are you in?

Denial.

And thinking about suicide.

Yeah, okay. It's just a frame of...

Well, it looks like you won't be needing this anymore.

- That's it? - Yep, fourth and final.

What's next?

They have to run all the tests first, see where we stand.

- Well, how long? - Takes a while.

I'll get Dr. Gibian to schedule them when I see him.

Thanks.

I'm on for another hour, anything you need?

Clean bill of health if you got one.

Hang in there, Carter.

That's what I do.

And line to center, base hit...

...Kent will have to play it on three bounces...

...and Alou will score. The throw goes to the back...

Hit the cutoff man, for crying out loud.

You see...

...that's the problem with the game today:

No fundamentals.

Did you ever read The Time of Your Life?

- William Saroyan. - Yeah.

"No foundation. All the way down the line. "

When we were growing up... What are you doing?

Nothing, scribbling.

Scribbling? What?

Nothing. Just scribbling.

Oh, sure, that's what you wanna do...

...bounce a slider with a man on third.

These kids today, they...

Earphones. I'm talking to myself, again.

- Edward? - Doc.

How's it going there?

Dumb question.

I got the test back.

I'll just lay it out, huh?

Six months.

A year if we're lucky.

There is an experimental program that we've been conducting...

...and I don't wanna get your hopes up...

...but I think you would be an excellent candidate...

Hey, doc.

Yes?

You're blocking my view.

Oh.

Sorry.

Anyway, if there's any questions...

...day or night, you know where to find me.

One question.

Sure, of course.

Carter, you wanna ask Dr. Hollins something?

I mean, I'm not familiar with Mr. Chambers'...

Well, get familiar.

Uh...

I just wanted to know how I stand, that's all.

Sure. How about I'll go take a look at your chart, okay?

Thank you.

Edward?

Edward?

There was a survey once.

A thousand people were asked, if they could know in advance...

...would they want to know the exact day of their death.

Ninety-six percent of them said no.

I always kind of leaned toward the other 4 percent.

I thought it would be liberating...

...knowing how much time you had left to work with.

A year at best.

It turns out, it's not.

We're pretty much out of options.

You want to play cards?

Thought you'd never ask.

Rise and shine.

Or that.

Let me see that.

And, uh, Thomas...

...call Marie at Christie's.

Tell her I won't be bidding this season.

I understand.

Uh, sir, I don't mean to sound indelicate...

...but how do you want me to handle your?

Death?   www.130q.com

Treat it as if it were your own.

So leave all the money to my assistant?

Go get me one of those almond croissants that I like.

And don't buy any green bananas.

- What are you doing? - What is this?

- Come on, give it back. - What is it?

Give it back.

It was on the floor. I didn't know it was a state secret.

Well, my freshman philosophy professor...

...assigned this exercise in forward thinking.

He called it a "Bucket List. "

We were supposed to make a list of things we wanted to do in our lives...

...before we... - Kicked the bucket.

Cutesy.

Anyway, I wrote things like "make a million dollars"...

..."first black president," you know, young man's wishes.

I was gonna redo the list, but then...

"Help a complete stranger for the good. "

"Laugh until I cry. "

Not to be judgmental, but this is extremely weak.

Well, it's pointless now.

I would argue the exact opposite.

All right. That's it.

What are you doing?

A little rewrite, that's all.

I mean, don't you want to go out with some balls? Guns blazing?

Have a little fun?

It was not supposed to be about guns blazing or anything like that.

You're missing the point.

What the hell is "witness something majestic"?

Have you ever been to the Himalayas?

Eh.

"Drive a Mustang Shelby. " Not bad.

I got one. All right. How about skydiving?

Now we're onto something.

We're onto something?

- Uh-huh. - Let me see that. Come on.

Fine.

"Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world"?

How do you propose doing that?

Volume.

"Get a tattoo. " Is that the sum of your ambition?

Edward, I've taken baths deeper than you.

It's easy to be deep in freshman philosophy.

What's Dr. Hollins say?

We got months, right?

A year, maybe.

You think 45 years went by fast?

We could do this.

We should do this.

No, I couldn't.

Don't think about money. That's all I got is money.

But I don't know. I...

What don't you know?

It was meant to be metaphorical.

- I'm just trying to get a handle on... - Blah, blah, blah.

Metaphors.

You're the one crying you never took a shot. Here's your chance.

My chance to what? Make a fool of myself?

Never too late.

What do you think happens now?

I go back and sit around listening to people...

...talking about mezzanine financing and subordinated debt...

...pretending that I care about dead money.

You go home to some ceremonial procession into death...

...with everyone standing around watching you die...

...while you try to comfort them.

Is that what you want, to be smothered by pity and grief?

Well, not me.

And in your heart, Carter, I believe not you either.

We're both in the same boat. How's that for a metaphor?

We got a real opportunity here.

Opportunity?

That is real twisted, even by your standards.

We still feel good, right? Energy's coming back a little bit.

Asymptomatic, the doc says.

The way I see it, we can lay around here...

...hoping for a miracle in some bullshit science experiment...

...or we can put some moves on.

Skydiving, huh?

All right.

What kind of hospital is this? There isn't an M.D. within a mile.

Virginia, we have to talk.

What did they say?

Uh, Mrs. Chambers, I'm gonna give you two a little quiet time.

Excuse me.

It's not good.

I knew we should have gone to UCLA.

The surgeons are better. Post-op is better.

- Wouldn't have mattered. - You don't know that.

We're not giving up. I want another opinion.

Ah, Virginia.

Yes, Oncology, please. Dr. Veteri's office.

Virginia, no.

Let me handle this.

Dr. Veteri? Virginia Chambers.

Yes, that's right...

I'm going away for a while.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about Edward and I are going away.

Edward and you?

Going away where?

I don't expect you to understand.

You're damn right I don't understand.

I don't understand how you can just give up like this.

How you can just quit... Quit fighting.

- Virginia. - Why don't you tell our children that?

See what they say when they find out you've given up on them.

Given up on them?

Given up on them?

I've got 45 years greased up under the hood of a car...

...so that they didn't want for anything, and they didn't.

I think I've earned some time for myself.

To do what? Run off with a total stranger?

He's not a stranger.

I'm your wife.

And I'm your husband. And I'm their father.

And I'm a grandfather. And I'm a damn mechanic!

And you're a fool.

You're a fool who thinks he's figured out a way how not to have cancer.

I'm sorry.

My husband is not for sale.

She hates me.

Do you hate me?

Not yet.

And so it began.

I've always been afraid to go up in an airplane...

...now I'm gonna jump out of one at the whim of a maniac!

Wanna get it?

How do you suggest we do that?

Wait.

Ow!

Aah!

Damn it.

Not a word.

Back to the seat, Kyle.

You'll have to forgive him, Kyle. He's worried about the little woman.

This has nothing to do with my wife.

Thirty seconds to drop.

The Sequel was like that.

She never backed me up on anything.

The Sequel?

The second Mrs. Edward Cole.

God, that woman hated me.

Maybe because you called her The Sequel.

Jeez, Kyle, I never looked at it that way.

- Fifteen seconds. - No, no.

- Wait! Wait, I can't do this. - Sure you can.

No. I can't. Really.

It's not the jump you're afraid of.

The hell it's not!

You're just afraid your chute won't open...

...and you'll show up at your own funeral as a Denver omelet.

No, I'm pretty much just worried the chute won't open.

No, no!

Man's got some lungs, huh?

Let's hit the silk!

Geronimo!

Oh, yeah, beautiful!

Aah! Aah!

Pull the thing! Pull the cord!

How about this, huh? This is living.

I hate your rotten guts.

Surrender to the void!

Which one of these damn cords do you pull?

Don't touch it. We're not in the drop zone yet. We could wind up in the...

Okay. Let's deploy.

I got a feeling I'm falling

We're in the red zone. Pull the cord.

I got a feeling I'm falling in love

Pull the damn cord!

I was in love once.

Tommy, we live to die another day.

How lucky for me.

No jokes, Thomas, remember the will. You're so close.

Let me ask you something.

Uh, is it Tommy or Thomas?

Um, it's actually Matthew, but he finds that too biblical.

Let's eat something. Come on!

Is he insane?

Depends.

So you decided?

No, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to be stuck with permanently.

What's permanently? We're gonna be dead in five minutes.

- What? - Figure of speech.

So no Confederate flag, no black Jesus.

No, I'm gonna...

Pass. Yeah, sure.

Well, I never agreed to desecrate my body.

You worried they won't bury you in a Jewish cemetery?

What, the wife?

It's a tattoo.

It's not like you're dumping her for another woman.

I never been with another woman.

Whoa.

That's gotta be on the list.

No, no. I don't think so.

Sixty-six years?

Man, oh, man. We ought to have a big orgy.

No.

Orgy's not even being unfaithful.

No.

It's just, like, professional.

No!

I don't even have to be there.

Hello, darling.

- You gonna drive it or buy it a dress? - Ha, ha.

Just getting to know each other.

You sure we're cleared for this?

Of course we're cleared for it. What if we weren't?

Just checking.

Come on! Tap it, baby! Let's see what she's got.

Ah, we're doing just fine.

You sound like some kid going to the junior prom.

You sound like someone looking for an ass-whupping.

Ass-whupping? Ho-ho-ho-ho.

- You got nothing! - Ha, ha.

Got enough for you, Sunny Jim, dangling.

Did you just make a penis reference?

What if I did?

Jesus! You're gonna kill us both!

What if I do?

Goddamn it!

You're breaking evil on me.

Evil? I'll show you evil.

I'll show you Evel goddamn Knievel.

Pick up on this, chicken man!

Yee-ha!

Chicken man, huh?

You can run, but you cannot hide!

What do you wanna do next?

How much money do you have anyway?

Didn't anyone ever tell you...

...that it's rude to talk about someone else's money?

I never knew anyone with enough to ask.

Medicinal.

It's indescribably beautiful.

I love flying over the polar cap.

Above the desolation.

The stars...

...it's really one of God's good ones.

So you think a being of some sort did all this?

You don't?

You mean, do I believe if I look up in the sky...

...and promise this or that...

...the Biggie will make all this go away?

No.

Then 95 percent of the people on Earth are wrong?

If life has taught me anything...

...it's that 95 percent of the people are always wrong.

It's called faith.

I honestly envy people who have faith. I just can't get my head around it.

Maybe your head's in the way.

Carter, we've all had hundreds of these discussions...

...and every one of them always hits the same wall.

Is there a sugarplum fairy or not?

And nobody has ever gotten over that wall.

So, what do you believe?

I resist all beliefs.

No big bang? Random universe?

We live.

We die.

And the wheels on the bus go round and round.

What if you're wrong?

I'd love to be wrong.

If I'm wrong, I win.

I'm not sure it works that way.

Well, you're not claiming you know something I don't.

Mm-mm.

I just have faith.

Hallelujah, brother...

...and pass the mustard.

Know how they harvest caviar? - Hit me.

When a female sturgeon is caught...

...the fisherman has to take great care to see she dies peacefully.

- Mm-hm. - If she feels the least bit threatened...

...she secretes a sour chemical that ruins the eggs.

Sounds like my third wife.

Woman thought mayonnaise came from a plant.

I could get used to this.

Also sounds like my third wife.

Thirty years I've been coming here.

First time with a guy.

Well, I'm flattered.

Emily's 10th birthday was the best, though.

Who's Emily?

My little, uh...

Well, she's not so little anymore.

You have a daughter?

- But I thought you said... - Yeah, well...

...I didn't know you then.

Make a long story short, uh...

...I don't see her.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

It's time.

- No, no, no. Cross that off. - Why not?

- Cross it off. - Why?

Why?

There is no why.

- What's the matter? - Excuse me.

Where you going?

Just like a broad.

Look, uh, Carter...

I'm sorry. I know...

...sometimes I get a little overbearing and I...

Jesus Christ.

- It's all right. It's okay. - What? What?

The top on the catheter came loose, that's all.

Well, maybe we should get you to a hospital, Carter...

- I just busted out of the hospital. - Huh?

It's all right. Look, it's already stopped, see? Let's get out of here.

It looks wonderful. Uh... Uh...

- Maybe I'll get the... - Let's just go.

- You go straight to the car. - Come on. Come on.

Okay, all right.

- Where's...? Where's Tommy? - In the salon, monsieur.

Oh, my.

How much money do you have?

Well, I wouldn't bleed on the rugs.

I'm gonna find someplace where I can take a nice hot bath.

Be as good as new afterwards.

Uh... You... Okay.

- Tom... - Okay, we're all set, then? Okay, good.

All right, it took some doing, but, uh, I rearranged everything.

Cairo tomorrow, Tanzania for two days, then Johannesburg on Saturday.

And, as previously directed, no bullfight, no tiger hunt.

Thomas, I'd really like to say you're irreplaceable...

...but I'd be lying.

And I'd really like to say you're a gracious man, and I love my job...

...but I, too, would be lying.

Turnabout is fair play.

I believe you learned that from the master.

Hey, look! They got Jeopardy! in the bathroom!

On the TV. Jeopardy!

Jeopardy!? In French?

Hello?

Mr. Cole? Virginia Chambers.

Oh. Yeah. Um, hi.

Let me get Carter for you.

Well, actually, I called to speak to you.

Oh.

Is he all right?

Oh, yeah. He's... He's fine.

May I ask where you are?

France, actually. Uh, tomorrow...

Give him back to me.

Virginia. May I call you Virginia?

I'm not sure that I can make...

I'm not asking for his sake.

Mr. Cole...

...I've been a nurse my entire adult life.

Had a ringside seat to more human tragedy...

...than any woman should ever have to bear.

Now, I'm prepared for my husband to die.

I'm just not prepared to lose him while he's still alive.

- Who is Howdy Doody? - You got it.

- You pick. - "TV Puppets," for 400.

These two Muppets...

...are roommates on the long-running show Sesame Street.

- Who are Bert and Ernie? - Who are Bert and Ernie?

the son of a Greek immigrant...

...was born in Towson, Maryland.

Who is Spiro Agnew?

Who is Spiro Agnew?

Well...

...you're looking, uh...

...buoyant.

This is the first time I was ever in a tub with no corners.

Really?

You know, ahem, Carter, uh, I've been thinking...

...what with the catheter and everything...

...maybe we should put this on hold for a while.

Come on, now, I told you, stop worrying. I'm fine.

No, no, it's not that. It's not that.

It's just, I mean, if you're worried about letting me down...

...you know, it's a lot easier for me.

You talked to Virginia, didn't you?

Why do you think I'm doing this?

Because I talked you into it.

Edward, you're strong, but you're not that strong.

No.

After Rachel left for college, there was a hole.

I mean, you know, no more homework, no more Little League...

...recitals, school plays...

...kids crying, fights, skinned knees.

And for the first time in 40 years, I looked at Virginia...

...without all of the noise, without all of the distractions...

...and I couldn't remember what it felt like...

...when I could not walk down the street without holding her hand.

I mean, she was the same woman I fell in love with, she hadn't changed.

But somehow everything was different.

We'd lost something along the way.

You know?

"TV Puppets," for 600.

Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen hosted a show named for this dummy.

Who is Charlie McCarthy?

Sandy? - Who's Charlie McCarthy?

Look, look, look!

Aah!

I was very pleased when Edward decided...

...to eliminate item number nine from his list:

"Hunt the big cat. "

Of course, he did insist on discharging a few rounds from the big gun.

One proved to be enough.

- Gin. - Of course, gin, why not?

Do you know...

...that the only dog ever struck by lightning was right here, in Egypt?

I wish I'd met you before we were dead.

You know, technically...

...we could cross off two items:

"See the pyramids"...

...and "witness something majestic. "

This is about as majestic as it gets.

Wait till you see my mountain.

Oh, yeah.

Your mountain.

Still, this ain't half bad.

You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death.

When their souls got to the entrance to heaven...

...the gods asked them two questions.

Their answers determined whether they were admitted or not.

Okay, I'll bite.

What were they?

Have you found joy in your life?

Uh-huh.

Answer the question.

- Me? - Yeah, you.

Answer the question, "Have I found joy in my life?"

Yes.

Has your life brought joy to others?

Ah, this type of question, I...

I don't know, uh...

I don't think about how other people gauge, uh...

Ask them.

I'm asking you.

Fine.

Fine.

Let me put it to you this way.

After the breakup, and the ensuing fleecing of the dad...

...Emily went to live with her mother.

You know, you try to stay close, but it gets down to holidays...

...phone calls, birthday cards, you know.

Anyway...

...Emily goes to college, joins one of her "Save the Poor People"...

...the animals, whatnot...

...meets a guy, decides she loves him.

Good-looking kid, driven, smart.

But there was something about him...

...so when she said they were engaged I told her I was against it...

...but being my daughter, naturally...

...she went ahead and married him anyway.

Needless to say, I wasn't invited to the wedding.

That must have hurt.

You think?

First time he hit her, she came to me. I wanted to bash his brains in.

She wouldn't let me.

Said she loved him, said it wasn't his fault, he'd had a few drinks...

...she was the one picked the fight.

Next time it happened, she didn't come to me.

The ex told me. Nice to hear her voice again.

What did you do?

What any father would do.

I took care of it.

I called a guy who called a guy who handles these kinds of things.

I don't know what he said, don't know what he did...

...all I know is he didn't kill him...

...and my daughter never heard from him again.

How did she react?

Called me names you wouldn't believe, and worse...

Said I was dead to her.

I'm not proud of everything I did...

...but I'm pretty sure I'd do it all again...

...so if they don't let me into Egyptian heaven because my daughter hates me...

...well, then I guess that's just the way it goes.

However you answer your two questions.

How do we get down from this tomb?

The empress was the wife of Shah Jahan, the fifth Mogul emperor.

Although it was an arranged marriage, they were deeply in love...

...and remained inseparable until she died giving birth to their 14th child.

Do you mind if I call you Ray?

Main man Ray.

Are you listening to anything I'm saying?

Absolutely.

Fourteen kids. I'm with you.

It took 20,000 volunteers 22 years to complete this structure.

Every square foot designed by the shah himself.

So that's true love.

That's true love.

Must be nice.

Don't know if I buy the whole "20,000 volunteers" business.

Funeral plans tend to confuse me.

Specifically, buried or cremated.

Take buried.

Now, I know it shouldn't matter, but I'm claustrophobic.

What if I wake up underground and nobody can hear me?

Do they still make those coffins with the bells?

Uh... I don't believe they do.

Then cremated. What do you do with the ashes?

Do you bury them, scatter them, put them on a shelf?

Float them down the Ganges on a bed of flowers?

What if I feel the flames?

Well, I definitely want to have myself cremated.

Maybe we should go frozen like Walt Disney.

No. Cremated.

Ashes put in a can, buried some place with a view.

A can, huh?

Yeah. I never liked the sound of the word urn.

Really? Got any special feelings about crypt?

Heh. No.

No, an old Chock Full o'Nuts can will do me just fine.

Chock Full o'Nuts, "the Heavenly Coffee. "

Better coffee even your money can't buy, my friend.

Don't bet on it.

Oh, right.

Kopi Luwak.

What do you got against Kopi Luwak?

Too fancy for my tastes.

Oh, yeah. Too fancy for my main man, Ray.

Gin. - Goddamn it.

You get all the cards.

This is China for you, baby.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Be a lot more majestic if we could see it.

See that old woman?

Odds are we're gonna be dead before her.

Happy thought.

Of course, she's probably got reincarnation going for her...

...however that system works.

Ah, the Buddhists believe you keep coming back.

Moving up or down a level, based on how you lived your life.

See, that's where they lose me.

I mean, what would a snail have to do to move up in the lineup?

Lay down a perfect trail of slime?

So shitty news, or really shitty news?

A, the first one.

There's a storm up there.

Well, thanks for the bulletin, Tom, we can't even see the goddamn thing.

They won't let us fly up until the weather clears.

Well, when do they expect it to clear?

Uh, next spring, sometime.

That's the really shitty news, in case you were wondering.

Well, maybe next time.

Yeah.

Next spring.

So now what?

Well, maybe your mountain's trying to tell us something.

What do you mean?

Maybe we've been gone long enough.

Gone long enough? Gone long enough for whom?

Oh. No, I get it.

The mountain isn't telling us it's time for us to go home.

The mountain is telling you to tell me it's time for me to go home, right?

- Yeah. - You shit.

Why don't you worry about your life, and let me worry about mine, okay?

Okay, okay! You don't have to get chippy with me.

What's next? - Next, Hong Kong.

Silk suits and black walnut ice cream.

Tibetans call it Chomulungma, "Goddess Mother of the Snows. "

"Goddess Mother of the World," actually.

In the traditional Tibetan translation.

I stand corrected.

Pinot Noir, please.

I take it you've been there?

Uh... Uh... Um... I just left, actually.

We tried to go up, but it wasn't...

You're a little late in the season.

So they tell me.

- My name's Angelica. - Yeah, Carter.

I'm sorry if this sounds terrible...

...but aren't you a little developed in years to be running up a giant mountain?

"Developed," now that's certainly one way of putting it.

Well, I've been up there, you know.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

I made it to 26,000 feet before we had to turn back.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

What was it like?

Cold...

- Mm. ... mostly.

During the day, the sky is more black than blue.

There's not enough air to reflect the sunlight.

But at night, you've never seen so many stars.

Seems like they're just out of reach, and so bright.

They're like little holes in the floor of heaven.

- Did you hear it? - Hear what?

I read an account of a man who made it to the summit...

...and standing there at the top of the world...

...he experienced this profound silence.

It was like all sound just fell away.

And that's when he heard it.

What?

The sound of the mountain.

He said it was like he heard the voice of God.

I've never done this before.

That sounds like such a clich?..

...but I have a room upstairs.

Well, that's...

I mean...

I...

I appreciate that.

But you see...

She's a very lucky woman.

Well, I rather think I'm the lucky one.

Good for you.

Tom?

Three things to remember when you get older:

Never pass up a bathroom...

...never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.

Heh-heh. That's a good one there.

Let's go home.

Excuse me?

I want to go home now.

But I thought that... What about the silk suits?

That was very clever of you, Edward.

How'd you know I wouldn't go through with it?

I didn't.

I'm proud of you.

Nobody cares what you think.

America.

Hey, Tommy, this isn't the way to Crenshaw.

There's an accident on the 10. We're taking the surface streets.

Uh-huh.

Why are we, uh?

Oh, my God.

He's kept tabs on her. Just in case you decided to...

This was your idea, Tom?

No, it was my idea. I talked him into it.

- Yeah, talked him into it. - Hey.

Wait a minute. Edward. Edward? Wait a minute.

Edward. What are you so afraid of?

Just because I told you my story does not invite you to be a part of it.

Oh. Like the lady in the bar?

- That's different. - Tell me how.

- Because it is! - How is it different?

You have no ing idea who I am!

I built a billion-dollar business up from nothing!

Presidents have asked my advice.

I have dined with royalty and I'm supposed to make out like, what...

...this trip was supposed to mean something to me?

Like it was gonna change me?

How did you see it playing out, Carter? I knock on the door, she answers.

She's surprised and angry...

...but I tell her how much I love her and miss her.

And, " Oh. By the way, I'm gonna be dead soon...

...so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone"?

Everyone is afraid to die alone.

I'm not everyone!

This was supposed to be fun.

That's all it ever was.

No, you don't get in. Call a cab.

Dear Heavenly Father, we Just want to thank you for this day...

...for having our family here together, once again.

And, Lord, we just want to thank you for returning my husband...

...their father, Lord, to us.

Is he crying?

I don't know.

He's usually so much fun.

Oh...

- Wait a minute. - What?

- I got something for us. - Oh?

I wasn't sure I'd need it.

Sure.

Ow! - Heh.

Okay.

You know how long it's been?

Do I wanna know?

Well, it's been longer than that.

You know, I feel like a teenager. Like our first time.

Uh, if we were teenagers, we never would've gotten out of that living room.

I remember the first time.

There was no tiptoeing around.

You were on me like... that.

Carter?

Oh, you playing hide-and-seek now, huh? Okay.

Carter!

- which resulted in a 15 percent increase in cash assets...

...following the sale of the recovery center to Phillips Medical.

Mr. Cole?

Mr. Cole?

You ever read The Divine Comedy?

Excuse me, sir?

The Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri's journey into hell.

Maybe we should take a break.

We don't need a break.

I'm in remission. I'm a goddamn medical miracle.

I'm simply asking...

...if you ever read The Divine Comedy.

Sir, you have a phone call.

Tommy, not now.

I really think you should take this.

Uh...

Hey, Edward.

What's the prognosis?

It's metastasized to his brain.

Metast... Operable?

The odds aren't what we'd like them to be.

Odds.

Jesus.

How's he doing?

He's doing okay.

Uh, he wanted me to give you this.

I was supposed to wait until after...

...but then I thought...

She never listened to me before.

Why change a winning formula?

You look like shit, Ray.

Thanks.

How they treating you?

Pea soup still sucks.

I'll have a word with the owner.

You do that.

Can I have some water?

You can't have water, but I'll get you some of those lemon swabs, okay?

All right.

You still drinking that fancy coffee?

What?

What are you, obsessed?

Read it.

"Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee.

Though for some, it falls under the category of 'too good to be true. '

In the Sumatran village where the beans are grown...

...lives a breed of wild tree cat.

These cats eat the beans, digest them and then...

...defecate.

The villagers then collect and process the stools.

It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat...

...that give Kopi Luwak its unique flavor...

...and aroma. "

You're shitting me.

Cats beat me to it.

- You got a pen? Give me a pen. - What?

What?

Here.

It's not finished.

Well...

It's not a one-man deal.

I'm afraid it'll have to be.

We're ready.

I'll be here when you get back.

Sounds good to me.

Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days...

...trying to decide whether or not I should even write this.

In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't...

...so here goes.

I know the last time we saw each other...

...we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes.

It certainly wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end.

I suppose I'm responsible, and for that I'm sorry.

But, in all honesty, if I had the chance, I'd do it again.

Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband.

I owe that to you.

There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me...

...so rather than try, I'm Just going to ask you to do something else for me.

Find the Joy in your life.

You once said you're not everyone.

Well, that's true.

You're certainly not everyone.

But everyone is everyone.

My pastor always says:

" Our lives are streams...

...flowing into the same river...

...towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. "

Hello, sweetie. Hi.

Find the Joy in your life, Edward.

My dear friend...

...close your eyes and let the waters take you home.

Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole.

I don't know what most people say at these occasions, because...

...in all honesty, I...

I've tried to avoid them.

The simplest thing is...

...I loved him and I miss him.

Carter and I saw the world together.

Which is amazing...

...when you think that only three months ago...

...we were complete strangers.

I hope...

...that it doesn't sound selfish of me...

...but the last months of his life...

...were the best months of mine.

He saved my life.

And he knew it before I did.

I'm deeply proud that this man...

...found it worth his while to know me.

In the end...

...I think it's safe to say that we brought some Joy to one another's lives.

So, one day, when...

...I go to some final resting place...

...if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate...

...I hope that Carter's there...

...to vouch for me...

...and show me the ropes on the other side.

Edward Perriman Cole died in May.

It was a Sunday, in the afternoon...

...and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

He was 81 years old.

Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life.

But I can tell you this:

I know that when he died, his eyes were closed...

...and his heart was open.

And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place...

...because he was buried on the mountain...

...and that was against the law.

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